Oh, hello juicer. Long time no juice.

green juiceI don’t have anything against juicing, but I do have something against our juicer.  You see, our juicer is a runt. Whenever I juice I get 20% juice, 80% foam.  It may look like a juicer.  It may sound like a juicer.  But I assure you, the only gears that get properly ground in the process of “juicing” are mine.  I fantasize about going  “Office Space” on my juicer every time I use it.  Instead of it creating pulp I would gladly beat it to a pulp in the middle of a field 🙂

When you avoid your juicer for as long as I have, you forget how good green juices make you feel.  Focusing on the good, I suppose any green juice is good juice, even if it comes with a heaping side of foam.  So, I’ve decided to juice in bulk.  That way I can actually get enough juice to warrant having a go at the entire operation, and I can relish the days that I don’t have to clean it!

This week I have been juicing every other day, so every other day I drink about a liter of concentrated greens: kale, swiss chard, and celery are the norm.  My skin is glowing, and I’ve acquired an edge in yoga that I haven’t had in months. I feel so good right now that I can’t believe I ever stopped juicing, so foam or no foam I’m going to juice dammit.  Maybe I’ll just drink it out of a cappuccino mug and serve up a tall non-fat green juice with extra foam and stick it to Starbucks for good.

6 thoughts on “Oh, hello juicer. Long time no juice.

  1. eksith says:

    Juicing (at least in my world) is really silly. Unless it’s something like orange juice or grapefruit et al…

    I’d much rather “eat” the bloody fruit or vegetable than try to gulp down 80% foam in the first place. I just can’t see any amount of technology matching 1 million+ years of evolutionary digestive fortitude.

    Honestly, whatever happened to “eating”? Have we all been turned into Darth Vader?

    • Amy Coates says:

      I see your 1 million + years of evolutionary digestive fortitude and I raise you the few decades it took the pharmaceutical drug lords and prepared food capitalists to destroy our digestive tracts.

      But really, I’d rather juice kale and collards than eat them. Forget juicing fruit, I’d rather eat the fruit. But if I ever got ill (knock on wood) I’d be juicing greens 24-7…although I’d buy a better juicer first!

      • eksith says:

        Well, the solution for the food capitalists is to buy local.

        A lot of the preservatives and other junk usually end up in the food because of transportation and flavour enhancement needs. Local growers don’t have this problem. And you’ll end up helping the local economy anyway.

        As for pharmaceuticals… I have terrible allergies. And I would take an antihistamine if it gets pretty bad, but I try not to pop a pill for every minor ailment that comes about. Usually, a good rest and a snack cures most problems.

        Headaches –
        Cause: Too much work / Staring at the computer screen / Stress.
        Cure: A good nap followed by coffee (hey, it counts as a snack).

        Allergies –
        Cause: Living on Earth.
        Cure: I tried signing up at NASA for a Mars mission (away from pollen and ragweed), but I doubt they’ll accept my application.

  2. Amy Coates says:

    Haha. You’d be bored on Mars anyway.

    That’s what I mean about prepared foods. Something that can sit on the shelf for a few years is not something I want to eat. Foods that actually have nutrients in them start to decompose just moments after they’re picked/harvested. They have enzymes that help us digest them….that’s what real food is!

    I know you didn’t ask for any advice, but I’m going to say this anyway. I used to get migraines, but when I cut down on prepared foods like dairy, wheat, coffee, and sugar (and nixed sodas altogether), they went away. I’ve been tested for allergies and wheat, (among other things) is to be strictly avoided…so I feel like complete crap complete with headache if I eat it.

    Stress and food allergies weaken the immune system’s status and can cause multiple problems such as hayfever and asthma…the best pill I’ve ever taken is HCl to increase my stomach acid when I eat. My food gets broken down and my allergy symptoms disappear. I used to be a walking sickness every single summer – never able to go anywhere without a box of kleenex, but since changing my diet and adding the HCl pills, I’m completely healthy.

    I’d forgotten how sick I used to be all the time!

    • eksith says:

      Oh no! Life without coffee is a fate worse than death.
      I know it’s the caffeine talking, but really, that’s out of the question for me. I can honestly say, now I have an understanding of what people who’re trying to quit smoking must go through.

      Stress, I could probably cut back on. But I’m in the middle of moving, so that’s unlikely. Work can be cut back a bit, but I need cash to move in the first place. Also I’m a programmer, so daytime is night for me (which actually helps a bit with the allergies). And the afore mentioned coffee addition should be self explanatory.

      I don’t think I’m allergic to any type of food. And I’ve eaten a whole gamut of foods to test that courtesy of Sri Lankan cuisine.

      Doesn’t HCL damage the stomach lining?

      • Amy Coates says:

        Mmm Sri Lankan cuisine. Nah, HCl is stomach acid, which helps digest protein…if anything destroys stomach lining it’s probably pepsi or coke!

        Good luck with moving! We did that a few months ago and I never want to move ever again!

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