8 Reasons You Are Unhappy With Your Body and What to do About it

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I know how you feel. You look at your body in the mirror and instantly feel deflated. You don’t know how you’re going to get to the body of your dreams from where you are. You seem to gain weight just be looking at food, and you have no idea what you are doing wrong! We’ve all been there, but there is a way out, and the way out may surprise you!

Here are 8 reasons why you may be stuck, and what you can do about it right now.

 1. You tend to focus on what you don’t want.

The fastest way to get what you don’t want is by focusing on what you don’t want. So how do you change things around? Focus on what you DO want. Focus all of your energy on everything you’re doing right, not what you are doing wrong. Change your thoughts, and you change your life.

2. You’re not happy, period.

Happiness is a package deal. When one thing goes wrong, it seems to create a domino effect and takes your whole life with it. This is in line with #1, and you may see a theme here, because it’s all tied in together. If you can focus on what is going right in your life, the domino effect will kick in and you will gain momentum in all other areas of your life. Even if 9 out of 10 things in your life are going wrong, your attention to what is going right can turn everything around.

3.  You’re too serious.

Each morning when you wake up, set the intention to be happy. Make the decision to be happy anyway, regardless of what is happening around you. Make it your intention to have fun no matter what. Laugh more, worry less. If you catch yourself worrying about something, distract yourself! Watch a funny youtube video. Or learn something new. Go to your happy place and soak up the sunshine waiting for you there.

4. You focus on the problem when you should focus on the solution.

Ta-Da! Again, we want to steer the car forward, not backward. Focus on the problem just long enough to see what direction you want the solution to go. Use the contrast of what you don’t want to create the desire for what you do want, and take it from there. If you want a fit body, ask yourself how you can create it instead of asking why you can’t do it. Create an empowering environment, like easy access to the gym or hot yoga, and buy only health promoting foods. Have healthy snacks on hand at all times!

5. You spend more time doing than being.

There are so many distractions in our society! If you take a break and head to facebook, you’ll probably end up feeling worse rather than refreshed. If you can resist the facebook/instagram/pinterest urge and find 5 minutes a day to sit quietly and go within, you can tap into guidance that is not available to you when you’re too busy doing. If you can find 15 minutes in your day, it’s even better. Meditation is your personal spiritual goldmine. Your angels and guides are waiting patiently to help you, so quiet your mind and see what guidance is waiting for you there.

6. You’re not asking the right questions.

During your quiet time, ask yourself questions and wait for the answer. Ask things like “What is my favourite thing to do? What do I enjoy about my job? If I could delegate some work, what would I be happy to get off my plate?” You may be surprised at the answers that come up. Ask any and every question that pops into your head. You may want to have a pen and paper beside you in case you want to write something down. Use this newfound awareness to create the life you desire.

7. You’re trying to do everything yourself.

This is something you may resist, but if you can put your ego aside for a moment, everything will get easier if you do just this one thing. Here it is: Ask God to help you see the situation differently; Ask to see through the eyes of God. You are perfect as you are. You are loved unconditionally. All of the obsessing we do about our bodies that makes us feel terrible is because we are thinking thoughts that God does not have about us. If you can let go of physical perfection and really know that you are already a perfect spiritual being, you will be in alignment with spiritual truth. I asked God for help and what I got was “You are not your body.” It hit me like a brick in the face. Our spirit is eternal. Our bodies are not who we are. Our body is our temporary home and they are nothing without the spirit. When we “fix” the body we are ignoring our spirit. This is why people can spend thousands of dollars perfecting their bodies and still feel unsatisfied. The body isn’t the problem, it’s the spirit that is undernourished. Feed your spirit and your body will follow the domino effect.

8. You don’t love yourself.

We all have those I hate my body moments. Each time it comes up, change your thoughts to love. Focus on everything you love about yourself each and every day. Every time you look in the mirror, tell yourself how proud you are and how amazing you are. Love other peoples’ bodies. Bless them instead of judging them. Ask God to turn your judgements into love. This is hard. It’s hard to stop judging. I probably ask God to change my thoughts hundreds of times each day. “How can I see this person with love? What am I missing?” Ask the questions and you’ll get answers. Lasting change begins with your mind.

PRACTICE (1)

You may have noticed that a lot of this has nothing to do with your body! That’s because by focusing on the problem, you get more of the problem! The moment I decided to stop worrying about my body and started focusing on what I loved to do in my life, my body stopped being a problem. I started loving it unconditionally, and it changed.

Here is an example of what I say to myself. You can use this as a template to make it fit in line with your beliefs. The Universe responds to what you mean, not what you say, so make sure you are being authentically you:

“Thank you, body, for being my home on planet earth. Thank you for supporting my daily activities like hockey and hot yoga. Thank you for being so easy to change. I love that I can choose to be active and that I can change my body through my desire to be fit and healthy.

Thank you God for helping me to choose healthy foods to eat, and for blessing me with love each and every day. Thank you for helping me to choose thoughts of love and for answering my prayers to see things differently when I am having difficulty seeing with love.

There is nothing more important to me than being happy, so thank you for the contrast I feel each and every day; I know there is guidance within my negative emotions. It is what illuminates the path before me. It lets me know when I am not being loving to myself or another, and helps me to choose love.”

If you do the work necessary to put a smile on your face, everything else will fall into place. Every problem is due to a lack of love. So the solution is infusing love into everyone and everything. If you have a problem with your spouse, heal it with love. If you have a problem with your body, heal it with love. If you have a problem with your child, heal it with love. You can apply this to anything! If you have a problem with your cell phone, see the situation differently and be grateful that you have one in the first place! See all things with love and watch your world transform before your eyes.

The Best Mirror in the World

Our children are our mirrors. They reflect back everything we do and all that we are. There is no escaping it. Habits, phrases, curse words, manners, laziness, energy, indifference, passion, perspective; they absorb it all like little sponges.  Your children will mirror the best of you and they will mirror the worst of you.

A few weeks ago we went for a walk and encountered a woman standing in the street yelling at her husband, who was near their house. I wondered if she had any idea what she was doing. It was a snapshot of their relationship, and while I don’t know the circumstances around this moment, my inner being could feel her pain.

Then she turned it off and said hello to us as nice as anyone has ever said hello. And after we passed, I wondered why we do it. Why are we the nicest version of ourselves in front of strangers, and the worst of ourselves to the ones we are supposed to love the most. We do it because we learned somewhere that it’s what you do.

As adults we can easily turn off our normal behaviour and be pleasant in public. We have the ability to turn off the hurt in our hearts and say hello to a stranger with kindness. But children aren’t yet aware of these social norms. They will not censor for others’ benefit. And that is the most beautiful thing about children. I love that about them. I immediately thought about how she was teaching her children in that moment. They are our mirrors, and being a parent is a golden opportunity for change.

Yes we can’t be loving all the time. We will have moments that we crack and let the darkness in, but as you become more and more aware of the cracks, you can heal them. You can keep the light in and the darkness out.

The first shift in awareness occurs when you shift from sleep into awareness. When you wake up from being the victim of circumstance and realize that you have the power to create your world, you have completed the first of many shifts.

The second shift occurs when you become aware of your actions. You see yourself reacting in ways you did in the past before you woke up, but you can’t seem to stop it. And that’s ok. First, you will be aware of these reactions, and then you will start to change them. Sometimes you will succeed and sometimes the tape will play out just as it would have in the past. It may take you years to feel like you have your reactions under control, and that’s ok too. Life is a sea of contrast. There is always room for improvement.

And just like improving your level of fitness, at some point you will shift from walking and running into running and sprinting. Eventually you will shift from watching yourself do something that you would rather not do, into a place of calmness and non-reaction. This is what I call the shift of detachment. When you can stop the cycle of reacting and place your focus, desire, and action on producing a different outcome, you will have successfully achieved a state of detachment and allowing.

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When I can detach from what my children are doing and keep my sanity about me, and act with love and guidance rather than anger, then I feel I have done the best I can do with my current knowledge.

When I have told them ten times to put on their pyjamas and they’re still running around like little crazy minions, I can get completely unhinged and yell at them.  I am aware while I am doing it that I am in misalignment with the version of myself that I wish to be – not just for my children’s sake, but for my own. As soon as I become aware, I take a step back from my yelling and reassess the situation. I don’t want them to go to bed with anger between us. I want them to feel loved.

So, I set them up for success. This may mean I actively get them dressed and brush their teeth while they continue to play. I don’t mind. Or it may mean getting them into their room and giving them the one on one attention they need to get the task done themselves. Whatever feels right in the moment is the path I take. The path changes daily.

Some nights I completely lose my mind, and that’s ok. I’m not perfect and I never will be. But I can forgive myself and learn from my mistakes and move forward. Self forgiveness is the key to lasting change, so be easy on yourself and keep moving forward.

I talk about my shortcomings with my children. I tell them why mommy acted the way she did, why it’s not okay, and tell them that it is not their fault. I tell them what I want to do differently next time and how they can help me to be the best mommy I can be.

The other day Oscar and Luca were on their scooters and we were crossing a busy street. They assume that because we are moving, it’s okay to cross, meanwhile as adults, we are assessing the situation and slowing down. They know to stop before every road and yet kept going because we were moving forward. We immediately yelled and screamed at them to stop, which is of course was out of love, but comes across as anger to a child.

We explained that we were not angry with them, but that they needed to be careful when crossing the street. In that moment we were acting out of love, but there was no time to lovingly address the situation! This is when it is important to talk with your children and explain what is happening.

I am constantly asking myself how I can act out of love with my children. Asking the question begs our subconscious to come up with an answer. Again, awareness is the light that shines on the darkness. How can I shift from fear and anger into love in this situation?

If you are angry around your children because of any number of reasons, they will internalize it without giving it a second thought. They pick up on the energy we are offering. Even as adults we tend to internalize anger. We may think, “Why are they mad at me?” or “What a bitch!” when 1, we are not the source of their anger and 2, we have no idea what circumstances have led to that behaviour.

And after they internalize this anger, they will radiate it. They will play it back to you. They will throw it in your face and you will know that you created this behaviour. Children are always watching, always mopping up our behaviour when we are least mindful of it.

Whether you are swearing in traffic, yelling at the dogs, stressed out because you’re going to be late for work, or whether your anger runs deep along the lines of resentment or withholding love from yourself, your children are taking it all in and learning that this is how they are to act in the world.

The more you can act out of love, let go of external circumstances and be loving anyway, the more your children with exude these behaviours. The more loving you are the more loving they will be. The more patient you are the more patient they will be. If there is something that is lacking in your children, then you must look within and see how you have been creating this behaviour.

For instance, I have a habit of saying “I hate that!” And of course, Luca is my little mirror and now he “hates” everything.  Now I am in the process of undoing the damage that I so carelessly created. Here’s another example. Our dogs go crazy when someone comes to the door. It’s like our 8 year old dachshund wants to kill them. I’m not kidding. He’s out of control. (Yes we created that behaviour too…) And due to our not being incredibly careful with our words, Oscar now tells the dogs to “Shut the fuck up!” He’s 4. I wonder where he got that? Another habit we need to unravel. I plug away at it every day.

Our kids listen to our actions rather than our words. We speak very clearly when we act. Actions don’t lie. Words do. When you tell a child to do A, but consistently show them that B is your preferred action, they will perform action B because they want to be just like you.

Are you the adult you want your children to be? Ask yourself this question and then change your thoughts and behaviours accordingly. If you want them to eat their vegetables then you have to eat their vegetables. If you want them to be kind, then you must be kind. If you want them to be healthy then you must be healthy. And it all starts with self love, which I have covered in previous blog posts, and which I will write about until the end of time. You must put yourself first if you are going to be able to give your children the best version of you so that you may help them to create the best versions of themselves.

Your children are your greatest chance to improve your behaviour for the better. Sometimes, when we have not yet managed to love ourselves, we will change for our children. If you need to use them as leverage, then use them. If you can’t love yourself for yourself, then love yourself for them. Eventually you will come to realize that it’s one and the same. We are all one.