Whether we realize it or not, we carry a lot of baggage from the past. The abandonment we felt as children when our parents wouldn’t play with us, the betrayal we felt when our best friend chose to sleep over at someone else’s house instead of ours, and the sadness we felt when our beloved pet suddenly died – all reside deep within our subconscious mind.
Our inner child learns that we need to perform spectacularly if we want more attention. We become perfectionists. We learn that negative attention is better than no attention at all. We lash out in anger. We internalize the external, (I guess I’m not good enough to have Daddy’s attention), take things far too personally, and begin to talk badly to ourselves.
That inner child stays with us, yearning for the love, connection, and safety that eluded it over the years. When we lash out in anger at the smallest of details, it is a red flag that we have neglected our inner being for far too long. When we berate others for their shortcomings it is simply because we can’t stand to look at our own. We deflect. It’s much easier to point out what others are doing wrong than own up to our own failures. The funny thing is, others mirror our faults back to us. Whatever bothers us about someone is something that we need to work on!
Our actions are a direct representation of the way we feel about ourselves. The way we hold ourselves in public reflects the emotional terrain of our inner world. When we feel poorly about ourselves we tend to lash out at anyone near us – especially the ones we love. They have a front row seat to our baggage show. Our flipping out has nothing to do with the empty toilet paper roll, and everything to do with our need for love, connection, and fulfillment.
Denial of our problems is not a long term solution. Problems get bigger the longer we let them fester, not smaller. The fastest, easiest, and least painless way to deal with our inner unrest is to simply listen to it and begin to take care of the inner child that is begging to be heard, that inner being – the real you – that needs love and attention. Your inner being doesn’t need love and attention from just anyone, it needs it from YOU.
Now that you’re an adult, it is your responsibility to meet your inner being’s deepest emotional needs. If you don’t take responsibility for fulfilling these needs, the unrest will only worsen until there is a complete blowout (divorce, mid-life crisis, job termination, etc.) and you have no choice but to comply.
You are the only one who can give you what you need. When you take your power back from others and realize that you are fully capable of nurturing your inner being, your whole life will change. As you start to listen to your inner being you will build awareness around what it needs to feel happy, safe, and fulfilled. Take some time to reflect on where you are and where you want to be, and when you are the most you – what makes you really light up? Get silent sit in meditation, and let the answers come.
As you begin to act on this new awareness and the information it provides, you will feel whole, complete, safe, secure, and loved all on your own. You won’t feel the need to lash out at others because you will be following your heart, giving your inner being the love and attention it so desires. You won’t need to point out what everyone else is doing wrong because you won’t even notice it. In time, rather than focusing on everything that is going wrong, you will be excited about everything that is going right!
When you provide your inner being with unconditional love, you create a space within you to freely love others, flaws and all. When you love yourself, you don’t need to take power from others, for you will have all of the power you need already within. As you sit in the seat of awareness, always listening to your inner being, you are able to thwart or deal with perceived attacks on your inner being as they arise. Though the inner work never ends, neither do the soul-fulfilling payoffs, authentically beautiful relationships, love and peace it provides your inner being.
Whenever your inner being is feeling insecure, unloved, unfulfilled, or uneasy, you can acknowledge the feeling, knowing that you are a limitless being full of love and creative power. Focus on your strengths. Focus on the solutions to the problems and the best possible outcomes. Focus on the inner being and follow your heart. It will never steer you wrong. Take a deep breath, push through your fears and remind yourself that “All is well. There is nothing to fear. I’ve got this.”