You actually started answering your own question within the rest of your question! Appreciation will get you a long way with respect to this issue. Appreciate the good father that he is. Appreciate the great man he is and the wonderful things he does. When he is stressing and worrying, gently point out the other side of the coin, yet know when it’s time to understand and not explain anything at all. A lot of couples get caught up in thoughts about what they don’t like about their spouses, and nothing good will ever come of that. You’ve got to appreciate what you love about them and find some lighthearted joy along the way, tending to your own vibration as need be. Daydream about what your perfect relationship looks like and ignore the rest.
It is ok to let yourself be happy while someone right next to you is freaking out. A lot of the time we dim our light because we think it will make someone else feel better, but all it does is make us feel terrible and doesn’t help the situation at all anyway. When someone close to you is disconnected from who they really are, stop paying attention to their current behaviour. Instead, go inward and make the connection to your inner being. Feel what your inner being is feeling and follow the guidance you receive. You will either know what to say or know what to do in that moment. Just follow your intuition whether it makes sense to you or not!
You probably have learned to do this already with your kids! You ignore their tantrums and hold the space for them to return to the angelic beings you know they really are. Do the same thing with your husband. If you let him go on and on complaining about something, you’re enabling this behaviour and it will continue. When you find the connection to your inner being, you are connected to the Source of your guidance. If you need a moment to yourself, take it. At least you can explain the reason you are pulling away; you can have an intelligent conversation with your partner that you are usually unable to have with your kids!
My partner and I agree to call each other out on our bullshit. It doesn’t mean it’s always well received, but we agree to it and we learn from it. You can also energetically move the energy around any issue by thinking better feeling thoughts with regard to them such as “I love when my partner tells me about the good parts of his day. I love hearing about all of the things that excite him. I love knowing that no matter how bad his day is, he brings the best of himself home to his family. I love how he can make me laugh, etc.” In time you will get better and better with regard to controlling your thoughts.
If you can control your thoughts with respect to your partner for even the smallest amount of time, you will see change. Do your best to tailor your thoughts to something that is already true for you or else it’s not going to help you because you will know deep down it is a lie. Fake it until you make it just doesn’t work for me. Being true to my heart always does.
Use Distance as a Tool
Put some distance between you and him whenever you feel the need. Your intuition will let you know because you’ll have this nagging pit in your stomach that tells you to remove yourself from an uncomfortable situation. Listen to this feeling and let yourself go!
Meditate, take a shower or bath, or go for a run. Listen to your favourite song really, really loud and dance around the kitchen with headphones on. I can’t tell you how many times going for a run has saved my sanity. Run/walk, whatever. Get some fresh air and clear your mind. It’s as easy as saying “Honey, do you mind if I go for a run?” Done. Answers come to me so easily while I am running. I will know what to say to my partner about a certain issue, or I will know how to deal with a certain issue with my kids, or I’ll get the idea to do something I’d never even considered before which solves a problem I didn’t know I even had. It’s incredible what guidance comes when you make t a priority to listen!
Lead By Example.
In time, your partner will see how calm you are and may start doing the same. He would benefit from a hobby he loves that feeds his spirit. I use the example of running because it’s what I love to do to clear my mind. If he can find something that clears his mind, it will do him (and you) a world of good. Because, if you aren’t doing something to bring yourself into alignment with who you really are, you’re grasping at straws and won’t have anything to give anyone else anyway. When you’re not in alignment, worry, fear, and anxiety easily take hold. When you’re in alignment, worry, fear, and anxiety don’t even exist. Love always prevails in the state of alignment.
There is no need to think about your problems when you run/exercise. Just clear your head and listen for your guidance. Your guides know more about you than you do. They also know the shortcut to everything you have ever asked for. I’m not entirely sure we need to think about anything ever again. Just ask to find solutions and listen for the answers to come. Expect them to come.
When you wake up in the morning, before you mentally jump into your to-do list, just lay there and listen for the answers to come. If you are working on your receptivity to your guidance, the fuzzy area between the awake and sleep states is a great time to allow this clarity to wash over you.
Perception is Tricky
We often create problems in our own minds that have no basis in reality. Communication is the key. Have a problem in your relationship? Talk about it. It doesn’t matter if it’s big or small. If it’s dragging you down, it’s worth getting it out in the open. When issues have roots, you’ve got to address them. Just find your alignment and then raise the issue with your partner when you are in a good feeling place about it.
I know a lot of spiritual teachers will tell you to stop looking at a problem and focus on the solution, which is valid for sure, but sometimes you just can’t get your mind off something and not talking about it ends up hurting the relationship. I have had much quicker success in my own life by addressing my issues with honesty and the knowing I have in my heart. It has made my parter and I closer than I ever thought possible.
Go with your own personal guidance in this area. No matter what anyone says, its always best to go with your intuition. What’s best for me may not me best for you. Some issues I can ignore and they work themselves out, while others just keep coming back around. If they keep coming back, it may be time to talk about them.
Permission to Thrive
You need to give yourself permission to thrive no matter what. If it means your partner stays where he is and you outgrow him, so be it. You have to follow your truth and you can’t expect everyone to come with you. I don’t think we are meant to have the same partner for life. I think the right partners come in at the right time. It doesn’t mean that you can’t have the same partner for life, but it means that you have to accept that you will have periods of exponential growth that occur at different times. A friend told me that the trick to staying together long-term is “we never fell out of love with each other at the same time.”
Connect to your inner being. Follow your heart. Speak your truth. Take care of yourself. Know that everything is always working out for you. And look for the evidence of it all day, every day.