Setting Boundaries 101

The lesson of the day is this: It’s ok to set boundaries. In fact, it’s absolutely essential to your happiness.

I haven’t written in awhile due to kids, bracelet business, and well just figuring shit out in general. But mostly it’s because I’ve been really focused on myself lately. And I’ve been really happy because of it. My happiness is more important than my kids’ happiness. Because if I don’t tend to myself, I’ve got nothing to give them anyway. It’s why I don’t yell 24/7 and can generally be calm in the middle of the storm. I say generally because I lose it from time to time as my kids will attest!

If you don’t set boundaries, you’re going to run out of steam. It’s why my kids don’t play hockey or do half of the stuff other kids are doing. Why you ask? Because I CHOOSE ME. I choose to give myself time while they fight with each other in the back yard. I let them fight and tell them to figure it out. I ignore their issues and trust them to learn some lessons. Did your brother punch you in the face? Well, that’s what happens when you punch someone in the back instead of walking away honey. Learn from it. I don’t ignore them completely. I’ve got eyes in the back of my head; I’m a mom. And when I’m not watching, I’m feeling it all.

This is where it all comes together: Feel for your boundaries.

nono

Say someone invites you to a party and you don’t want to go. Tell them you can’t make it and don’t go. Listen to that gut feeling that says “FUCK THAT.” Don’t go. Don’t make excuses. You don’t need to tell the truth per say, but you don’t need to lie either. Don’t do something to make someone else happy. Choose you and make yourself happy – there’s the secret to happy life! Appreciate everything, and do the stuff that makes you happy. Boom.

Sometimes I do things I don’t want to do because it will make my kids happy, but I’m doing it for me too, because making them happy makes me happy. Taking them to the park when I want to lay on the couch makes all of us happy, so I go. My gut feeling here is not saying “lay on the couch”. It is saying “take them to the park”. So I go.

When I was waitressing, my boss had another restaurant halfway across the city. He asked me to work at the other location a few times and I said “no.”  The result? He stopped asking me. You know who he did ask repeatedly? The girls who said “yes” and complained to me on the side about having to go to the further location. “That’s why I said no!” I would tell them.

It’s ok to say no. And you don’t need to explain why either. It’s ok to not care what other people think of you. It’s ok to do it your way. You’re doing a great job. You’re exactly where you meant to be in this time and space. Every day is a gift. Every day you get to wake up and decide you are going to be true to yourself. Every day is a chance to be your Divine Self here on Earth. It’s what you intended.

Before you go to bed, think about who you are. You can meditate sitting up for 15-20 minutes or you can lay in bed and just visualize your ideal self. Think of the boundaries you need to set, and decide what you are willing and not willing to tolerate. And when you wake up in the morning, wake up as this person you really are.

If people are mean, let them be mean. If they lash out, let them lash out and follow your instincts. This can mean you rise above it and ignore it. Or it can mean that you explain your perspective. Just stay in alignment with your higher self and follow any guidance that comes.

When you lash back, it means you give away your power. Know who you really are and let them rise up to meet you, or leave them where they are. Five people can witness the exact same event and have 5 different perspectives that don’t line up with each other in the least. 5 different “realities” of 1 so called “reality”. Know that they are where they are and stand in the knowing that they can be more. They will either meet you or stay put, and it’s all ok.

For example. My 4 year old had a tantrum, told me he hated me, and whatever else…”ok” I said, and I walked away. I fully know he doesn’t hate me. Not yet anyway…he’s 4, not 14. I know I am an amazing person. I know he’s an amazing person. I ignored it and let it be. Guess what? He snuggled me and told me how much he loves me, and snuggled and told his 3 year old brother how much he loves him. This was before he told him he hates him 5 minutes later, but I digress…

The point is, people are human. News flash! Humans are weird. You can’t control them. But you can control you. You can control your thoughts, and you can control your reactions or, lack thereof. You can set boundaries, and they can like them or not. It doesn’t matter how they respond so long as you are true to yourself.

Is your adult son living with you and treating you like garbage? Set a date and kick him out. It’s time for him to realize he can fly. Are you ready to say something that someone is not ready to hear? If you’re ready to say it, then say it. It doesn’t matter if they’re ready to hear it. You’re ready to say it.

I’m not telling you to go attack people you’ve “had it up to here” with, but I am telling you to stop taking crap from people that you have been taking because you haven’t listened to your intuition. Stand up for yourself. Chance are, you have a nagging feeling right now about something that you know you need to do but are scared to do, and this is your sign to do it. There is nothing to fear. It’s in your head. There is nothing to worry about. Everything is always working out for you, and you’ve got to trust your feelings. When you know something, you know it. You don’t need to know why.

Don’t take anything personally ever. Your parents did the best they could do given their growth and their perceived worth. It wasn’t about you or because of you, it was because of them. Everything everyone does is because of them. Don’t take it anything personally. Be yourself. Do what makes you happy. You are where you are, and that’s ok.

xo Amy

 

 

The Number 666 and Counting Your Blessings

When I lazily checked my messages just over a week ago, I never expected what I heard. “Amy, it’s mom. Call me back as soon as you can.” My stomach dropped as I returned the call. Who? What was it?

The who was my aunt. And it was a stroke. Having been an OR nurse for more than 30 years, she had been able to tell my uncle that she was having a stroke while it was happening. He immediately saw it on her face and had her at the hospital in less than 10 minutes.

I’ve been to the hospital twice to visit her this week. The first time was the day after it happened. She was able to speak when spoken to and her humour was intact. “I’m so happy to see you.” I said. “I’m happy you can still see me.” She replied.

The second time was Thursday, nearly 5 full days after it happened. She was able to carry on a conversation for nearly 2 hours with me. Her memory is intact and she is grateful to be alive. She knows it’s going to be a long road to recover but she also knows she’s going to do it. Thank God for her belief. She’s tapping into who she really is.

Being an empath, I know how important it is for me to get into a strong emotional place before getting anywhere near a hospital. Tapping into the fear and sadness that is floating around is a strong possibility if I don’t raise my vibration and shield myself against it.

I purposely chose my crystal bracelets to support me that morning, and kept repeating over and over in the car: “Everything is always working out for me. Everything is always working out for me.” It’s how I shut off my mind and tap into my spiritual truth. Eventually I settled into the meditation of driving and made peace with the quiet around me. I started listening to one of Abraham-Hicks’ rampages of appreciation and the tone was set. Everything is really ok. There is nothing wrong. It’s not denial. It’s knowing that even though there may be a problem with the physical body, the spirit cannot be harmed.

somuch

This type of contrast creates a massive desire for wellness. I’m sure my aunt’s desire to be well has never been greater. I know my desire to keep my thoughts in a high vibrational place has never been higher. It is my intention to hold the space for her to be who she really is – full of love and light and completely whole. I know that I create my own reality and I know the power of my thoughts. Looking at my aunt and crying about her current physical state won’t help. She is not her physical body and it has nothing to do with who she really is. When I think of her, I think of her healthy. I think of her strong personality and her strong will. In my mind’s eye, I see her walking and talking and having a good time.

I talked with her like I’ve always talked with her. I didn’t feel the need to yell or talk to her like she was a toddler, which all of the nurses were doing…why? I never understood that. I talk to everyone like they’re 30 and adjust as necessary.  All I did was encourage her and help in any way I could. This meant counting each and every blessing with her. There wasn’t a pity party because my energy wouldn’t allow it. It was easy to lead her into appreciation because in that moment she was already there. There will be moments of depression and sadness for sure, but I know my energy brought forth hope and a lot of love. I gave her a neck and shoulder massage with essential oils (thankfully I had some in my purse!) and gave her drops of water on a sponge. I wish I could have done more but I did what I could.

On the drive home I saw so many 666 licence plates that I lost count. I’ve seen them everywhere since. And I was thinking about my aunt today when I saw one. I was turning into my son’s school to pick him up and there it was: 666. And I kid you not, when I left the school 10 minutes later, the first licence plate I saw read AAA 666. I can’t make this stuff up! The number 666 reminds me not to get caught up in what I see. What ‘is’ doesn’t matter. What ‘is’ gives us a starting point so we can think about where we want to be and what we want to create in our lives. It helps us to carve out where we want to be. The real magic happens when we start moving toward what we want to create.

I know we are eternal beings and I know that all is well. I know that death isn’t real. It’s just an address change. We take the lessons and the love and leave our aging bodies behind. I could be sad. But why? I’ve let myself mourn the aunt I knew for a few passing moments and each time it felt awful. It’s not who she is. So I change my thoughts and find the blessings. I know that more love is going to be born out of this situation than if it hadn’t happened. I know that the desire for a healthy body is greater than it’s ever been within everyone around her. I know that the blessings will become greater and greater.

She doesn’t want me to see her like this. It’s not who she is. And I told her that I know. I told her that I see her full of love and light and that I know who she really is. We cried together for a brief moment as we hugged. There is no shame in what her physical body is going through. None at all. She is so much more than her physical body.

When she fell asleep I wrote her a mantra on a piece of paper and left it beside her. Even if she didn’t read it, the intention was there with her in that room. I can’t remember it exactly but it went something like this:

“I love knowing that my body is getting stronger every single day. I love knowing that there is no action I must take. I love knowing that my higher self is in control of this healing energy and I welcome it wholeheartedly. I am so appreciative of all of the nurses and doctors who are doing everything they are inspired to do to help me recover as quickly as possible. I love knowing that they are being Divinely guided. I love knowing that we are all in this together. I love knowing that everyone is looking out for me. I love knowing that my family is here for me. I love feeling loved. I love loving. I love knowing that everything is really all right. I love knowing that everything is always working out for me and I look forward to seeing the evidence of it working out for me all day every day.”

What I know for sure is that our thoughts create our reality. The whys of life don’t matter as much as what we’re going to do about where we are now. I know that life is what we make it. We can’t change the past, but we can change the trajectory of the future in an instant. I know that everything is always working out for us, and I know that the answer to everything is love. I know that love is all around us. I know that the propensity for us is to be healthy. And I know that we are never alone. We are constantly being guided by immensely loving beings. We just have tap into it. Love is the key to everything.

 

Guidance is Everywhere. Listen.

I took my 3 young boys to the the dentist today, taking a bullet that I didn’t want to take because sometimes I have to be something we call an “adult”. I don’t feel like an adult. Does anyone? Every few weeks I have a moment where I think “how do I have 3 kids?!” One day you have no kids and the next you’re entire world is upside down and ruled by a 7lb scream machine. There’s no test. There should be a test!

When I went to the school to pick up my 2 oldest for lunch before the dentist, I had a quick chat with another mother. A mother that I actually met at an airport in Barbados I might add. We ended up renting in the same condo building down there. Then a few days after we returned home, I saw her walking down my street. Apparently we never had the “where are you from?” conversation. The Universe amazes me with its little games every single day.

She told me that she’s been picking up her kids for lunch for years. And I told her that this is the second time I’ve ever done it. I have no problem telling my children that they’re going to eat lunch in the school cafeteria with the rest of the kids. It’s good for me, and what’s good for me is good for them. If I had to pick them up every single day I would be a mess! No just no. Not happening.

She told me that when it gets cold it’s really hard to have to pick them up for lunch. So I suggested that when it gets cold she should tell them that it’s time for them to stay for lunch. I wanted to open up the space for her to make her own decision, but let her know that if it’s making her unhappy in any way, she should allow herself the freedom to do what feels better. Something prompted me to sit beside her. Spirit is always guiding us. I was her flashing red light of guidance with a message she was ready to hear. But, we have to take action on our guidance. I say what I feel inspired to say, and I don’t take it personally when people don’t hear what I say, but the pull to sit beside her was so strong and the conversation guided itself. Pure inspiration: in spirit.

guidance

Leaving my kids at school for lunch time gives them time to play, and me and extra hour and a half of work each day. They play outside for 30 minutes before they eat. If I picked them up they’d miss out on valuable exercise and fun! Also, it makes the times I DO pick them up extra special. The last time I picked up Oscar for lunch, we went on a little date to the French Restaurant behind our house. He was so excited, and so was I. It was valuable 1 on 1 time that we rarely get and I’m excited to do it again 🙂

Talking with this mother for a few minutes made me reevaluate my entire life. Is it making you reevaluate your own? Is there anything you’re doing now that you don’t want to do? Is there any way to shift the responsibility in any way to give yourself more freedom and relief? I even called my Cable/Internet provider and changed my plan to save me $45 a month because I don’t want to pay for a phone line we don’t use and channels we don’t watch. That’s $540 a year!

If there is anything that has been on your mind lately that you want to change, do it now. It’s so much less painful when you listen to your guidance and follow through with action than if you let it eat away at your soul for the next weeks, months, and years. Just as I wrote that, I got the feeling that I need to go to the dentist. That is my guidance system chiming in with something that needs to be done. I’ve been saying for way too long that I need to go, so in the spirit of this message (and the honouring of spirit’s message) I will take my own advice and make an appointment tomorrow!

What thoughts and feelings are popping into your head? What do you need to change? What needs completion? What “adulting” have you been putting off? Listen to those thoughts and feelings, that guidance, and TAKE ACTION!

 

How to Save Yourself from Earth’s Current Insanity.

The energy on this planet right now is insane. If you watched the Second Presidential Debate, you’ll know exactly what I mean.  And if you didn’t, you’re better off. I watched about 10 minutes of it before I had to run away and save myself and I’ve spent countless hours thinking about it since…is this really happening? Have we not learned anything? How does this level of ignorance still exist? Thankfully I finally listened to my guidance and went upstairs to read. Phew.

If you’ve been feeling OFF lately, I want you to know that you are not the problem. There are crazy energies going around and being the energetic, vibrational beings you are, you’re likely feeling it. I was feeling completely off centre until I followed my guidance to start running again, and let me tell you, the energy change is just what I needed.

Instead of feeling insanely spacey, reactive, and angry, I am feeling more grounded and calm. And even when something does get the best of me (having 3 boys ages 2 to 5 will do it) I’m able to return to centre fairly quickly and let go of whatever unhinged me. I even went for an 8k run before a hot yoga class yesterday, and my yoga experience was incredible because of it. It most definitely enhanced my ability to explore my edge. I was a damn good tree yesterday.

If you’ve been feeling unusually rocky and angry lately, I highly recommend getting outside and soothing your spirit with nature. If you are able to run I encourage you to get out there and run until you can’t run anymore. Even if you have to run for 30 seconds and walk for 2 minutes to recover, get out there and do it. No excuses!

If you’re repelled by the idea get ready for a little tough love: You get out of life what you put in, and if you’re not willing to stretch your comfort zone even a little bit, you’ve got to start thinking about your priorities. Do you want to feel better? Do you want to be happier? Do you want to stop snapping at your family members? (Food for thought: Does your family get the best of you or the worst of you?) Do you want to experience more joy in your life? Do you want to feel more relaxed? Do you want to stop reacting to every little stimuli that crosses your path? Run. Walk. Anything. Just Do it as Nike says. You’ll congratulate yourself later I promise.

If something is holding you back from getting exercise, I encourage you to do a little pre-paving and psych yourself up for the amazing feelings that running will bring. I do this little exercise the second I get the inspiration to run. Think about how good it’s going to feel to have all of that oxygen running through your body. Think of how good it’s going to feel to snap your spirit back into your body. That is essentially what grounding is to me anyway – to be fully one with who you really are – to minimize the gap between physical you and non-physical you (your Higher Self or inner being). Think about that rush of endorphins you will get as you complete your run, that sense of accomplishment, that high 5 you’re going to give yourself at the end. Think about how good your jeans are going to feel after! I don’t run to lose weight but the physical changes of regular exercise certainly are a bonus!

And it’s not only running that can centre you, though it is one of my favourite go-to ways to beat the bad energy out of my body. Doing anything that excites your spirit will help. Excitement lights up our spiritual path. Do whatever it is that makes you the most YOU.

What puts the spark in your eye? Is it painting? Reading a good book? Meeting a good friend for coffee? Eating pizza? Do that. Do all of it. But don’t eat pizza because you’re unhappy and you’re trying to fill a void. Eat pizza because you fucking LOVE to eat pizza and it’s going to make a good time even better. Energy matters. The energy you eat your food with matters. The energy you do anything with matters.

Go for a run to get yourself out of a rut, but don’t eat pizza from that vantage point. Only eat pizza when you feel good, ok? There are no rules, but there’s one for you anyway. It’s more of a suggestion than a rule. Ok, ok, you are the creator of your own reality, so you can eat pizza whenever you want. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. Listen to that little voice in your head and go from there ;).

Basically happiness comes down to this: Do what makes you feel good. Think thoughts that feel good. Spend time with people who you enjoy spending time with. Watch TV programs that feel good. (I watched season 1 of Narcos for instance and thought it was amazing. By the time season 2 was released I just couldn’t do it. I hated the dude and that did not feel good so that was that. I’m completely happy leaving the series incomplete for the sake of my happiness. It feels so good!)

FEEL into everything you do! We receive guidance through our feelings. Those gut feelings that you have – the thoughts that pop into your head when you ask yourself a question? Listen. To. Them. The more you do, the easier it will become to listen to your guidance in the future. It’s working out your intuitive muscles so to speak.

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For example: “Do you want to order pizza?” “Umm I’m not really hungry, but yeah ok if you want to I’ll have some.” The correct response is no with that energy!!!! Say “No I don’t want any, thank you.” LISTEN to your GUT!!! Do not eat pizza because you have FOMO: Fear of missing out. If you have FOMO about anything, feel into it and ask yourself what that’s all about.

Example 2: “Do you want to order pizza?” “YES!!! OMIGOD YES I WAS THINKING THE EXACT SAME THING!!!” What are you waiting for – order the pizza!!!!

Understand? Good.

Apparently this post is really about pizza and running… I hope I cleared some things up for you with that little rant. You are powerful. You are worthy. You are doing a good job. Centre yourself and listen to your guidance. You are never wrong because is ever done. Make a decision. Listen to your guidance about it, and recalculate. Make another decision. Listen to guidance, etc. Follow your dreams and don’t let anyone talk you out of them! Or into pizza when you don’t want any.

ox Amy

 

You Can Never Go Back.

you-can-never-go-back

It’s been 5 months to the day since my last blog post. It’s not for lack of desire. My desire to write has never been greater these past months. It’s not a lack of time either, because time is infinite. I have nothing but time. But the Divinity of it has finally come around I think.

Life is changing. It can never be the same. We are always in a state of learning. And once you learn something, it’s impossible to unlearn.

Over these past months, I have been focused on listening to my spirit; those feelings deep within that cannot be denied. But something really surprises me: So many of us deny our gut feelings. Sometimes I still do. Why is this? I think it’s because we’re trained as kids to make others happy.

I see it every day with my kids. They want to do XYZ, and I want them to do ABC. I’m learning how to navigate life with 3 little boys who have 3 strong spirits, and it gets messy. But I don’t want them to EVER grow out of following their bliss, for me or anyone else. But I do want them to be kind while they listen to their Hell Yes’…we’re working on it…

What are gut feelings? I’ve come to understand them as messages from Spirit, and the more you deny them, the worse you’re going to feel. When something feels wrong, it is. When something feels right, it is. Your emotions are guidance from Spirit. When someone asks you to do something for them and you don’t have that “Hell Yes!” visceral response, say NO.

Don’t be a people pleaser. Don’t sacrifice your feelings and needs to make someone else happy. The thing is, you can never make anyone happy. It’s not your job. It’s theirs. And if they don’t like it, that’s their problem too.

We’ve gotten really good at denying spirit in our society. We know what we should do and we don’t do it. We know what we need to say and we don’t say it. We know that we need to be true to ourselves and we don’t BE it. We deny our true selves so often that we’ve become incredibly unhappy.

Do you want to be happy?

The time has come for you to give yourself permission to say what you want to say, do what you want to do, and be what you want to be. Learn to listen to your Spirit, and watch miracles happen. Once you start listening to your Spirit, life will get better and better at an incredible speed. It’s time to start getting really, really excited.

Set yourself up for success.

Every morning when I wake up , I think about how good my day is going to be. I get excited about the possibilities and ask spirit to surprise me. And every day is a good day. Even then, life happens. I may have yelled at my kids for an hour today…maybe even more. It didn’t feel good and I didn’t really care because I know I am fully capable of digging myself out of that rut. On the other side of discomfort is pure delight – because joy is my intention. My spirit was saying no to where I was, so I asked for a way out. Moments later I got the idea to cut the grass. So I cut my grass. Then I cut the neighbour’s grass, and then I raked everything up. I did it in bare feet too so I could connect with the earth and ground myself.

When you are down, you don’t need to live there. Being down is actually really great because you have the contrast to find something that lifts you up! It’s such an amazing feeling to know you have the power to create your reality. It’s so empowering to climb out of that hole and back up the mountain. And if there is one thing I know for sure, it’s that from the top of the mountain, you can see all the bad stuff coming.

Every day in ANY way, my suggestion to you is to find your way up the mountain. Find any way to make yourself happy, and then sit there and bask in it. From your happy place, you can see all the discomfort coming. When you’re in joy and your boss asks you to work on the weekend, it’s going to feel terrible. Say no. From your place of joy, watching Narcos is going to feel terrible. Turn it off. From your place of joy, a friend calling and complaining about her husband is going to feel terrible. Either change the subject or fake your death. ha! Or you could always just excuse yourself politely and hang up 🙂

And that’s not all. From your place on top of the mountain, there will be a lot of things that once bothered you that you won’t even notice anymore. When you are in a good feeling place, only people who are on the same level can see you. People who are not on your level will not even come near you. They’ll basically be out of sight and out of mind somewhere on the ground, and you won’t even be able to interact with them. You’ll be hanging out with other mountaineers.

And when you fall off the mountain, you’ll know it! And so begins the work of getting back on top. It’s the human journey. When you fall off, getting back up is as easy as quieting your mind and listening for spirit. Listen to those gut feelings. Ask what you can do to feel better and listen to what comes. Every time you ask, the answer is given. Every time. <3

Are you Playing a Role? How to Recognize the Ego.

Do you ever catch yourself doing something because you are so caught up in situational social norms? How dedicated are you to playing the role of mother, father, adult, businessman, police officer, hockey ref, Doctor, etc? Do you even realize that you act differently in different social situations? Life is supposed to be fun! Stop taking yourself so seriously all the time.

There is no problem with having a role to play, but when you get so entrenched in a position that you forget WE ARE ALL ONE, the ego is in control. The human race is full of superiority and inferiority because of our human-ness. But if we can take a step back and honour the spirit within; if we can be present for each other and really see each other, we would loosen the hold the ego has on us and come home to the realization that we are all one. We are all equal. We are worthy. Money doesn’t make you worthy. It’s not about knowing more than someone else. It’s about kindness, and compassion, and support. It’s about love.

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When you take anything personally, you know you are in the hold of the ego. When you take life so seriously that it stops being fun, you know you are in the hold of the ego. Any time you feel superior or inferior, you are letting your ego run the show. Ego isn’t all about feeling important. It is in control when you feel like you don’t matter; when you feel people aren’t listening to you; when you feel like you could die and no one would care. The ego is a victim. It likes playing the role of victim and it likes taking advantage of others to make itself feel better or worse.

OK, OK, I GET IT. What can I do about it? You can shine a light on it. Stop doing, and reacting, and simply be present. Any time you recognize that you are playing a game, entrenched in a position, or acting in a certain way without really wanting to, you are taking yourself out of the game. When you start to see the different roles that you play, you are weakening the ego, moving away from collective unconsciousness and becoming a conscious creator.

When you can step away and be who you really are in that moment without the moment dictating what you do; without caring what others think, you are free. When you can be loving and kind when someone blatantly thinks you are a pushover and not care in the least, you are free. When you stop yelling and trying control the situation, and let the situation just be neutral, you are free. When you can be aware of your thinking pattern and know that your thoughts are not who you really are, you are free. You are free when you can have a mean judgemental thought about someone and just laugh at it, because you know one ridiculous thought does not equal who you are!

The thoughts that whiz by in your head all day long are not who you really are. You are the consciousness behind the thoughts. Don’t take your thoughts seriously. Don’t think you are a bad person because you have bad thoughts. We all have egos. We all compare ourselves to others at some time or another, but it’s not who we are! And when you equate yourself to your thoughts, you are not giving your beautiful spirit enough credit. Recognize those thoughts as the ego within, the scared little part of your human-ness that needs to feel special and needs to feel important, and recognize that you are much much more.

Being human is hard work! You are doing a fantastic job! And as you become more aware, you will do even better. The best is yet to come.

How to Get Out of Your Own Way

As I sit here wondering what is going to come through, I am surrounding by a throbbing heart opening energy that is literally making my entire body buzz with love for you. I want to remind you that love is available to you in each and every moment, and all you have to do to feel it is to let yourself receive it.

We spend so much time thinking ourselves unlovable and unsociable that we close the door to love. We spend so much time thinking about how annoying our spouse is that we block the love coming to us and from us. We block not only their love, but all love.

When you find yourself in anger, resentment, sadness, or are generally focusing on all the bad things that are happening to you, or to other people around you, or focusing on all of the bad things that could happen that you don’t want to happen, or…. well, you get the idea.

One thing I wish I had known much much earlier is this:

Life doesn’t happen to you, it happens from you.

– Abraham-Hicks

You are the one creating your reality. When you are focusing on what you don’t want, you get more of what you don’t want. Your thoughts send energy out into the world around you, and that energy interacts with the Universe. So, when you focus on all of the reasons that your relationship isn’t working, you will get more of your relationship not working.

When you’re driving a car, you want to look in the direction you want your car to go, right? That is exactly what you have to do in your relationships. If you can focus your thoughts on what you want more of, such as more love, affection, and passion by first thinking those thoughts, you will get more love, tenderness, affection, and passion from your partner simply by changing your own thoughts.

Why does this work? Because when you change your thoughts to be more loving, open, and receptive to love, your whole energy field will soften. Where your partner once sensed opposition and harsh energy, they will now feel love. The look in your eyes will change, and you will hold your body differently as well. Everything about you will change and they will sense it – and all of this happens without a single word.

It’s going to take some courage to open your heart like that, but there is nothing to fear. If you can’t open your heart to someone that you are already married or committed to, you probably shouldn’t be married or committed to them anyway, right? You have nothing to lose. There is nothing to be embarrassed about.

There is so much love available to you when you open yourself up to it. It is a shame that so many people keep it from themselves. When you shut your heart with a deep belief that you are unloveable, no one can get in. You have to first open yourself up, claim your lovability, and be the love that you desire. You must love yourself first. If you knew just how loved you really are, you would cry tears of happiness. This I know. <3

Love and light,

oxoxox

 

How to Lose Weight the Easy Way

They’re everywhere this time of year: Guilt, self-hatred, loathing, disgust, comparison, anorexia, bulimia, girls starving themselves, boys starving themselves, bingeing, more self-hatred, more disgust, more comparison, and more loathing.

What if, we just stopped? What if we could love ourselves just as we are? What if we could focus on all that we are rather than all we are not? What if we are perfect right now, right in this moment?

Let me tell you something: You are perfect.

And, you are not your body. You are the spirit inside the body. You can think of your body as a rental. It’s where you live right now, but it is not who you are. When you can love the spirit who resides in that body of yours, you can start to look past its “clothing” and see who you really are. So, body aside, who are you?

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Who you really are is a being of light and love. You are eternal. You are going about this world in a slight state of amnesia. You purposely chose this lifetime to learn for the advancement of your soul. Your inner being, that part of you that is still in spirit form, is nudging and guiding you constantly to help you remember who you are.  All you have to do is listen to that little voice in your head that you try to ignore.

Your inner being is that voice that wants to quit your job and work with horses. It’s that feeling you get when you get all warm and fuzzy and think about your deepest dreams. Your inner being wants to kiss more, cuddle more, visit with friends more, and eat and drink foods that taste amazing. It wants to go for long walks, have soul inspiring conversations, and have meaningful mind-blowing sex. It wants you to follow those sparks of inspiration that you ignore out of fear.

When you’re doing things that make you happy, you’re more aligned with who you really are. When you are feeling sadness, guilt, or fear, you are thinking or doing something that your inner being doesn’t agree with. When you are standing in front of the mirror criticizing your body, you feel bad. You feel bad because your inner being disagrees with you in that moment. Your inner being sees the perfection that you are. When you are comparing yourself to others, thinking you are fat and they are perfect, you feel bad. Once again, your inner being disagrees.  It knows that your body is not who you are, and it knows that you are perfect.

When you feel guilty, your inner being feels love. When you feel fat, your inner being feels love. When you feel disgusted, your inner being feels love. When you hate yourself, your inner being feels love. Do you see a pattern yet?

Your inner being loves you unconditionally. The more you can love yourself unconditionally, the more in alignment you will be with your spirit, and the happier you will become. And though self-love is probably the best thing in the whole entire world, an amazing side effect occurs when you love yourself unconditionally:

You lose weight.

When you love yourself, you will take care of yourself. Foods that used to taste good won’t taste good anymore. You’ll spend long hours doing something you love and you’ll forget all about food. Have you ever been doing something that you were so passionate about that you forgot to eat? Or, you’ll go out with friends and eat anything and everything you want and you won’t stress about it! The freedom you will feel!

We overeat because there is something missing in our lives. We’re bored. We’re looking for the next best thing to love or the next person who can give us love and attention because we’re starving for it. We are so starved for love and affection because we’ve been withholding it from ourselves for so long. We’ve neglected our inner being. We’ve stuffed food down our throats to appease that uneasy feeling inside, but not listening to that feeling inside is why we’re feeling uneasy in the first place! And then society shames us for being fat and so we shame ourselves because we’ve learned that’s what we’re supposed to do.

Your inner being is trying to get your attention. That uneasiness you feel can only be calmed one way, and that is by listening to it and changing course. If thinking a certain thought feels bad, choose another thought. Choose loving thoughts about your body and see your body change. Send your body love, and it will respond by loving you back. Stop being so hard on yourself and shift the momentum in a loving direction. Take your power back from society and start loving the spirit you are, just as your inner being does: unconditionally.

Action steps:

Tonight when you go to bed, list all of the reasons why you love yourself. What went really well today? What were your successes?

Next, appreciate your body for all that it does for you. Thank your lungs for breathing, and your feet for carrying you through the day. Thank your knees for supporting you and your hands and arms for the ability to hug others. Thank your eyes for seeing and your tongue for tasting. Touch your body and thank it for being your home in this lifetime. Touch your breasts and acknowledge their beauty. Thank them for feeding your babies and send them love. Send all of your body parts love. They are beautiful. You are beautiful – just the way you are.

 

The Joy of Being Alone.

Right now my house is quiet. Blissfully quiet. The kids have all been delivered to their respective schools, my hubby is working at Starbucks…on his laptop, and I have about 5 places I need to be right now and a huge project I need to finish by tomorrow. So naturally I don’t want to do anything at all right now but sit in the glorious silence that surrounds me. And once again, the silence brought my fingers to this keyboard, and here we are.

The silence is where I can be wholly me, unaltered by others’ energy fields, their expectations, their desires, their needs, their incessant whining about needing to be fed on a consistent basis. What’s that all about anyway?

Silence is golden. And it’s something you don’t fully realize until it becomes really really hard to obtain. It wasn’t until we had 3 kids and 2 dogs running around that we understood just how golden silence really is. It’s funny that we need the contrast of what we don’t want to finally understand what we do want. If you are constantly running around like a headless chicken, it’s high time you throw a cushion on the floor and take a seat.

I didn’t understand just how unhappy I had been until I started to get glimpses of happiness. You can spend your whole life in a downward spiral of gloom and doom  thinking it’s normal. And while it may indeed be normal, it’s not what you are meant to live.

Are you smiling right now? You should be. Are you excited when you wake up in the morning or do you have an adult temper tantrum in your head when you open your eyes? Are you happy to be alive, happy to make choices every day about which direction you want your life to go? Are you crying happy tears right now, or sad ones?

Let me ask you this: When was the last time you laughed so hard for so long that you just couldn’t stop. And when you looked at someone, they started laughing too, just because you were laughing, and when you think about that moment now, you laugh about it still! Was it yesterday, or was it when you were a child?

Without knowing it, we learn how to be adults from our parents. Children see and hear everything, even the things that adults wish they could desperately hide from them, because the loudest things we hear aren’t being said, they’re being felt. When my marriage fell apart my kids saw it, they heard it, and they felt it. I knew it, and I did my best to hold it together. I don’t know if I did it for them or for me, but I knew that being strong was the only choice worth making.

Choosing fear was not an option. I had chosen fear my entire life, and look where it had gotten me. So I chose differently. I chose love. And it was the best choice I have ever made in my entire life. I decided to love everyone and everything, but most of all, I finally gave myself permission to love myself.

Among other things, meditation saved me. I believed in angels and guides already, so I decided to go all in and entertain the whole God idea. I sat in silence and prayed. I prayed for strength and courage and guidance and infinite love and support. I prayed to all of the Archangels I could name to enter into my life and help me transform into this person I knew I could be. I prayed to Archangel Raphael, Uriel, Gabriel, Chamuel, Michael, Remiel, Raziel, Zadkiel, Jophiel, Sandalphon, Metatron and more. I brought them into the car with me, into the shower, everywhere. I stopped listening to music. I stopped watching television. My perspective had totally shifted and I wanted one thing more than anything in the entire world: I wanted to stop being numb and start directing my life. I wanted to take my power back and be blissfully happy.

For the first time in my life I understood that it was my job to make myself happy – no one else’s. I finally understood just how much I had given my power away throughout the years. I gave it away all over the place. I gave it to anyone who did anything better than me. I gave it to anyone who did anything at all because I assumed they would do it better than me. And all the while, this really awesome spirit inside of me was suffocating, willing me to step up and step into my power, but it was too scary to be strong, so I kept choosing fear.

This seems like the perfect time to introduce my favourite quote. And while Elanor is granted having said this, it seems to be a paraphrase of a conversation she once had. Either way, I wish I could have coffee with her sometime:

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Why would I keep choosing fear? The best answer I have for this question is that a fear response on this level is learned. Learning not to touch a hot stove was something I could learn all on my own. It’s instinctual. But learning to be scared to talk on the telephone is not. Mostly I learned how to be scared from my mother, and because I operated at the vibration of fear, it was the only signal my antennae picked up. I was so fearful that I was attracting fearful people to my experience. I could only see the fearful outcomes of situations because I never entertained the idea that maybe I could be strong.

Over time I had chosen fear so often that it was an ingrained response. My fear neurons had created a super highway in my brain and there was no off ramp.

Two years ago, I sat down with a psychic medium who told me that I hadn’t laughed in 3 years. At first I was defensive. But a split second later I knew she was right. 3 YEARS! That is a long time to be unhappy. Thank God I was on a quest to be happy. It was my happiness quest that brought me to her in the first place. She told me that I too had gifts. She told me that I have the power to sit on her side of the table, and I knew she was right. The more I sit in silence, the more I am able to tap into them.

You too have powerful gifts. The best way I know to access them is to find joy in silence. Get to know yourself intimately by carving out a few minutes to enjoy your own company. Get to know the spirit within that is wanting so very badly to be heard.

Don’t use an excuse. Don’t do that. Don’t say that you don’t have time. Make time. Instead of laying down immediately when you go to bed, sit up. Sit on your bed, prop yourself up with pillows, and breathe. It’s that easy. You’re meditating. Turn off the radio in your car. Close your eyes at red lights and take a few deep breaths until the guy behind you honks to tell you your time is up!

Take a break from social media. That should free up a few hours ;). If there is a show you’re really excited to watch, watch it! Enjoy it, and be happy! But if you’re mindlessly flipping through television stations, turn it off and hang out with your spirit. It’s time well spent. Take your power back and be happy, wild, and free!

8 Reasons You Are Unhappy With Your Body and What to do About it

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I know how you feel. You look at your body in the mirror and instantly feel deflated. You don’t know how you’re going to get to the body of your dreams from where you are. You seem to gain weight just be looking at food, and you have no idea what you are doing wrong! We’ve all been there, but there is a way out, and the way out may surprise you!

Here are 8 reasons why you may be stuck, and what you can do about it right now.

 1. You tend to focus on what you don’t want.

The fastest way to get what you don’t want is by focusing on what you don’t want. So how do you change things around? Focus on what you DO want. Focus all of your energy on everything you’re doing right, not what you are doing wrong. Change your thoughts, and you change your life.

2. You’re not happy, period.

Happiness is a package deal. When one thing goes wrong, it seems to create a domino effect and takes your whole life with it. This is in line with #1, and you may see a theme here, because it’s all tied in together. If you can focus on what is going right in your life, the domino effect will kick in and you will gain momentum in all other areas of your life. Even if 9 out of 10 things in your life are going wrong, your attention to what is going right can turn everything around.

3.  You’re too serious.

Each morning when you wake up, set the intention to be happy. Make the decision to be happy anyway, regardless of what is happening around you. Make it your intention to have fun no matter what. Laugh more, worry less. If you catch yourself worrying about something, distract yourself! Watch a funny youtube video. Or learn something new. Go to your happy place and soak up the sunshine waiting for you there.

4. You focus on the problem when you should focus on the solution.

Ta-Da! Again, we want to steer the car forward, not backward. Focus on the problem just long enough to see what direction you want the solution to go. Use the contrast of what you don’t want to create the desire for what you do want, and take it from there. If you want a fit body, ask yourself how you can create it instead of asking why you can’t do it. Create an empowering environment, like easy access to the gym or hot yoga, and buy only health promoting foods. Have healthy snacks on hand at all times!

5. You spend more time doing than being.

There are so many distractions in our society! If you take a break and head to facebook, you’ll probably end up feeling worse rather than refreshed. If you can resist the facebook/instagram/pinterest urge and find 5 minutes a day to sit quietly and go within, you can tap into guidance that is not available to you when you’re too busy doing. If you can find 15 minutes in your day, it’s even better. Meditation is your personal spiritual goldmine. Your angels and guides are waiting patiently to help you, so quiet your mind and see what guidance is waiting for you there.

6. You’re not asking the right questions.

During your quiet time, ask yourself questions and wait for the answer. Ask things like “What is my favourite thing to do? What do I enjoy about my job? If I could delegate some work, what would I be happy to get off my plate?” You may be surprised at the answers that come up. Ask any and every question that pops into your head. You may want to have a pen and paper beside you in case you want to write something down. Use this newfound awareness to create the life you desire.

7. You’re trying to do everything yourself.

This is something you may resist, but if you can put your ego aside for a moment, everything will get easier if you do just this one thing. Here it is: Ask God to help you see the situation differently; Ask to see through the eyes of God. You are perfect as you are. You are loved unconditionally. All of the obsessing we do about our bodies that makes us feel terrible is because we are thinking thoughts that God does not have about us. If you can let go of physical perfection and really know that you are already a perfect spiritual being, you will be in alignment with spiritual truth. I asked God for help and what I got was “You are not your body.” It hit me like a brick in the face. Our spirit is eternal. Our bodies are not who we are. Our body is our temporary home and they are nothing without the spirit. When we “fix” the body we are ignoring our spirit. This is why people can spend thousands of dollars perfecting their bodies and still feel unsatisfied. The body isn’t the problem, it’s the spirit that is undernourished. Feed your spirit and your body will follow the domino effect.

8. You don’t love yourself.

We all have those I hate my body moments. Each time it comes up, change your thoughts to love. Focus on everything you love about yourself each and every day. Every time you look in the mirror, tell yourself how proud you are and how amazing you are. Love other peoples’ bodies. Bless them instead of judging them. Ask God to turn your judgements into love. This is hard. It’s hard to stop judging. I probably ask God to change my thoughts hundreds of times each day. “How can I see this person with love? What am I missing?” Ask the questions and you’ll get answers. Lasting change begins with your mind.

PRACTICE (1)

You may have noticed that a lot of this has nothing to do with your body! That’s because by focusing on the problem, you get more of the problem! The moment I decided to stop worrying about my body and started focusing on what I loved to do in my life, my body stopped being a problem. I started loving it unconditionally, and it changed.

Here is an example of what I say to myself. You can use this as a template to make it fit in line with your beliefs. The Universe responds to what you mean, not what you say, so make sure you are being authentically you:

“Thank you, body, for being my home on planet earth. Thank you for supporting my daily activities like hockey and hot yoga. Thank you for being so easy to change. I love that I can choose to be active and that I can change my body through my desire to be fit and healthy.

Thank you God for helping me to choose healthy foods to eat, and for blessing me with love each and every day. Thank you for helping me to choose thoughts of love and for answering my prayers to see things differently when I am having difficulty seeing with love.

There is nothing more important to me than being happy, so thank you for the contrast I feel each and every day; I know there is guidance within my negative emotions. It is what illuminates the path before me. It lets me know when I am not being loving to myself or another, and helps me to choose love.”

If you do the work necessary to put a smile on your face, everything else will fall into place. Every problem is due to a lack of love. So the solution is infusing love into everyone and everything. If you have a problem with your spouse, heal it with love. If you have a problem with your body, heal it with love. If you have a problem with your child, heal it with love. You can apply this to anything! If you have a problem with your cell phone, see the situation differently and be grateful that you have one in the first place! See all things with love and watch your world transform before your eyes.